Yale Gives Shipman the Old Heave-Ho

Poor Bruce Shipman! His main crime was his decency, and the unforgivable fact that he personally witnessed the brutality of Israeli apartheid in the West Bank. Furthermore, he talked about it in front of people who immediately reported it to the Israel Lobby’s toadies in the Episcopalian Church. He was quickly removed from Yale University.

He could have avoided all this unpleasantness if he’d only followed our easy-to-use, patented “12-Step Recovery from Forbidden Anti-Israeli Thoughts.” The following program is to be memorized, and if possible murmured softly in a venue featuring the theme song of “The Twilight Zone” in the background.

  • The Israel Lobby does not exist. In those cases where it does exist, its conclusions cannot be questioned.
  • All criticisms of Israel are false. They are invented by anti-Semites, self-hating Jews, and terrorists. Also by crypto-Nazis, apostates and liars.
  • All critics of Israel must be punished by extracting a public apology. Some offenders may be required to apologize more than once, if they grovel insufficiently the first time around.
  • Those that criticize Israel and do not publicly apologize must be endlessly harassed, and fired from their jobs if possible. In academia they must be denied tenure.
  • Any Arab or Muslim that criticizes Israel is a terrorist, and deserves to die.
  • To praise anybody who ever criticized Israel is the same thing as criticizing Israel. Just as all things Israeli are good, anybody who criticizes Israel is bad.
  • In any conflict involving Israelis and Palestinians, the Israelis are always pitiful victims. If an Israeli hurts a Palestinian, the Israeli is still the victim because the Palestinian is trying to make the Israeli feel bad.
  • Israel/Palestine is never debated. That implies another side to the issue, and there is only one side. Therefore debate must be suppressed or disrupted.
  • The United Nations, the World Court, the various UN agencies, every human rights organization and non-governmental organization in the world that isn’t approved by the NGO Monitor [an Israeli screening operation] is anti-Semitic. That is because these organizations are likely to criticize Israel’s human rights record, and as any fool knows, that means they’re anti-Semitic.
  • The interests of the US are exactly the same as the interests of Israel. If they aren’t, the interests of Israel take precedence.
  • Any war that the US is likely to be involved in must be evaluated from the point of view of its helpfulness to the current government of Israel.
  • Anybody who threatens to make sense while criticizing Israel must be
    immediately shouted down. If shouting doesn’t work, screaming and crying are recommended. As a last resort, one must declare that criticisms of Israel are making one feel “unsafe.”
  • These steps, while meant to be humorous, reflect a reality that is petty, tiresome and undemocratic. Therefore let us respond to their absurdity by answering the call from Palestinian civil society for international Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions against Israeli apartheid.

    The Israel Lobby operates as a thought police, spending millions of dollars to stop anybody in public life who would have a candid discussion of American interests in the Middle East. Let us counter the intimidation, harassment and corruption of the Israel Lobby in order to restore free speech and freedom of association to American discourse on foreign policy.

    Lawrence Swaim
    Written After Yale’s Firing of Episcopalian Priest Bruce Shipman in 2014

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